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Feb 2 / admin

BEN ALREADY TASTED MY TACO & HE LOVED IT

This entry is part 3 of 5 in the series The Bachelor 2016

Am I paying any attention to the returns coming in from Iowa or devoting the entire evening to a bowl of sour bears and The Bachelor – taking frequent breaks to make CAUCUS jokes with Nick? #intellectualrigor

This is the episode where things take a turn for the investigative. A chin-scratching twist has been thrown into Ben’s lap (and all of ours): Are there are two Olivias? Seems crazy, yes, but there appears to be one Olivia in the house and another Olivia with Ben. Ben’s got to figure out what’s going on. Understandably, this is too intense for one episode so it’s going to be a cliffhanger.

Consider me hanging.

I cannot get over Olivia’s halitosis. It’s already been upsetting me for weeks, but to have it mentioned again tonight has taken me over the edge. I can barely look at her – hopefully after next week I won’t have to. I have a feeling she’s going to be stubborn hanger on-er and it’ll be a couple weeks until we can shake her. I think the rule is that the villain needs to stick around for a certain number of episodes. In the meantime:

 

hazmat

 

1-on-1 with Amanda (a mom, ew)

Apparently Amanda has seen this show before because she was smart enough to sleep in a full-face of makeup including 3 layers of lip gloss. If I recall correctly, last season Britt did this regularly – just in case. This is so terrible for your skin.

 

Mother?

A mother, but still managing a smile.

 

The clear winner of this segment. Girlfriend gives zero fucks.

The clear winner of this segment, Lauren H. Girlfriend gives zero fucks.

I liked when Ben admitted to being a retainer-wearer himself. Not only was it a generous and kind thing to say in the moment, but I admire people who take their dental health seriously. (Unlike Olivia.)

The sleeping arrangements for these contestants are appalling. The ladies are really packed into these hotel rooms, way worse than even my 8th grade mock trials trips. So much for these big, gorgeous hotel suites. There are cots and bed-sharing and it appears that there are several ladies per room, not to mention someone is sleeping with Olivia and her breath for the love of God.

To me, Amanda’s is the ideal date itinerary: hot air balloon followed by a picnic in tall grass. Amazingly, despite the fact that Amanda is a mom, Ben likes her! He doesn’t mind her babyvoice and he sees “the pain in her story” and he loves it! Olivia, as usual, is dead wrong on this point. Ben isn’t scared of Amanda’s momness; he is enlivened by the chance to swoop in and fix. Olivia does not get the very essence of Ben.

Group date

Ben on a bench, brushing up on his Spanish as the group approaches! Wonderful.

The ladies seem strangely flummoxed when it’s announced that they’ll be spending the afternoon cooking.

 

Emily, in particular, REALLY hates cooking.

Emily, in particular, REALLY hates cooking.

Jubilee’s rapid unraveling is the highlight of this date. It was as if someone invited an angry tween along on a field trip – and nobody was spared her petulant, nonsensical outbursts. Listen, Jubilee is really beautiful. I’m moved by what she shared about her painful and unbelievably difficult upbringing. But — and this is just pragmatic — if you’re a person who prefers dating someone who is not co-dating a dozen other people, then The Bachelor is maybe not the best environment for you, which is why the majority of people on planet earth don’t choose to date that way. Also Jubilee keeps stealing unlovableā„¢ – Ben could sue her.

This McDonalds commercial is everything. The way Catherine says “and he likes lunch” is so sick – I keep hate-watching it.

1-on-1 with Lauren H.

This date was delightful. Lauren is muppet-y and goofy — in the best way — and it’s just a nice change of energy. She’s drama-free and accent-full and just 100% doing her thing, and good for her for owning that catwalk. Ben, too, shirt notwithstanding.

 

photo 2 copy

Quite looking forward to part two of our cliffhanger next week. The Super Bowl leftovers will be in my house and, to borrow Ben’s phrasing, I will be fully engrossed into seeing what happens when Ben confronts Olivia (and Olivia’s breath confronts Ben.)

xMH

PS. – Speaking of hanging off a cliff –

 

photo 3

Stunning in all ways.

PPS.-

outfit = perfection in all ways

Becca’s ensemble = perfection

PPPS. –

The exact kind of Cersei-like hairstyle I would love to wear but fully accept that I will never understand how to do it.

The exact kind of Cersei-like hairstyle I’d love to wear but fully accept that I will never understand how to make it happen.