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Jun 2 / admin


This entry is part 2 of 9 in the series The Bach'ette 2015

diapersABC should do a focus group and they should focus on me.

What I’d tell them is that the stuff that The Bachelorette wants me to pay attention to is never the stuff I’m most into. I’m not innarested in JJ and Clint and their GAY PALACE INTRIGUE – as my friend Liz so aptly put it. And I’m not innarested in Tony, either – though I did enjoy his monologue about having the “heart of a warrior and the spirit of a gypsy” and the strength it took to “step away from the bonsai trees” to come on this show.

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Thank you, Tony.

Here are the kinds of things that interest me –

  • the way the camera kept panning over to Jonathan (black person) when Kupah (black person) got sent home
  • Kaitlyn’s kimono – supercute and I’d love one just like that to serve as my regular House Gown.
  • Does Shawn try to be Ryan Gosling or does he just naturally occur this way? For the record, I don’t really get the Ryan Gosling comparison that everyone’s abuzz about. I do, however, get the Ben H (sex ed star) and Chris (dentist) comparison that nobody’s abuzz about but that existed in my head. It wasn’t til tonight that I learned they’re two separate brown-haired people.
Group Date – Sumo Wrestling
This is the 2nd week in a row we’ve seen the boys fight each other in a physical competition – I use this wasted airtime to place orders on Amazon Prime. “Could we not just take a boat ride?” Tony whined after being tossed around the sumo ring like dandelion fuzz – and I have to say, I’m totally with him. It’s better when the boys are just lounging around on a yacht, for example, drinking clear alcohols and trying to get the bachelorette alone so they can tell her about their hard lives (divorced parents, grew up poor, flat feet, etc). My God, do you guys remember Diabetes? In this very link that I just pulled off the internet at random you’ll note that when asked what he’d bring to a desert island, first on his list is “insulin.”

While I wasn’t a fan of the wrestling, I liked the appalled expressions on the faces of the ladies gathered to watch the exhibition. I also enjoyed Mr. Kentucky for letting one ball hang out of the sumo diaper all day. And then there was JJ’s pre-fight trash talk: I‘m gonna leave him wishing he had another diaper because he’s gonna change it. Don’t even know what that means, but it’s great, great stuff.

This is the only man I want to see in a diaper.
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1 on 1 with Ben Z – aka Babe Soda
Because relationships require trust and communication, Kaitlyn and Ben’s date took place in an escape room where there were birds — coincidentally Kaitlyn’s biggest fear. Personally, I’d have been much more concerned about the snakes and the dead person slowly rising out of the bed — as well as the GAS CHAMBER — but to each her own. What happened to those sunny day trust challenges, like rappelling off bridges and jumping out of helicopters while holding hands?  The main takeaway from this date is that Ben is 1) huge, and 2) hasn’t cried in 11 years. 11 years! He should watch E.T. Then again, Kaitlyn will make him cry soon enough.

Group date – sex ed
This was a super cute activity. Ben H really stole the show with his informative yet sensitive anatomy lesson combined with deft kissing technique. Meanwhile, kids who look like mini- adults = scary.
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Guys, there is friction in the hoose but NBD. Kaitlyn remains hopeful, for she can just feel it: HER HUSBAND IS IN THE ROOM.
Until next week,
I'm so happy they put a blanket down on this rock so it's sittable.

I’m so happy they put a blanket down on this rock so it’s sittable.