THE BACHELOR: I’VE KNOWN IT WAS REAL, BUT NOW IT’S REALLY REAL

 

 

 

 

 

It’s Valentine’s day, everybody! So fitting to be writing about The Bachelor.

Lindzi

Lindzi’s one-on-one date was a non-event for me. Whenever Ben is reminded that she exists, he talks about how amazing she is because she’s laid back and “go with the flow.” To my ears, this sounds like some pretty faint praise, but in her case it really is true. But Ben also likes to refer to her, more than any other contestant, as a “beautiful woman” and this baffles and fascinates me because I would classify her an intensely *almost-beautiful* woman, which is something I really don’t mean as an insult. To me it’s clear she’s meant to be beautiful so I’m just curious about some of the choices she’s making, namely the choice to match the color of her skin to that of her hair to that of her lips. Why would she choose this? Why is she wasting a beautiful person template? Whenever she is onscreen I uncomfortably obsess over why she wouldn’t make some different decisions. But actually it may all be moot on account of her voice. Only recently did I learn there’s a name for this kind of voice: vocal fry. Read about it here or listen to this cool story from The Madeleine Brand Show.

Real quick, one last thing about Lindzi: her pronunciation of “important.” What is this? Her version has the first t being pronounced really hard and the second t not existing at all. I’ve heard this before and am curious where it comes from. It’s gross!

Emily

I’m actually a little sorry to see her go. I know I said she was a drag which she was competition-wise, but she was definitely the most normal person in the room at any given juncture. It’ll be good for her to get back to working on her dissertation, I think. Admittedly, she got the short end of the stick re: her one-on-one date last night. Their outing was a very straightforward one featuring biking, coconut water, a pickup game of hoops, a fully spontaneous lobster fishing trip and dinner and dancing. But Ben is an adrenaline junky and obviously gets off on taking his dates on physical adventures, especially when he can condescendingly help his girlfriends/daughters confront their fears. So, am I saying that Emily would definitely still be around if they’d gotten to skydive or ride tigers? I dunno. But I will say this: if I was trying to make a guy fall in love with me I sure wouldn’t let him watch me eat a lobster.

Courtney

I like the threats! All she has to do is tell Ben she’s losing the spark (“losing sight” is another thing she likes to say) and he hops right back in line. As far as I can see, Courtney is the only one really playing the game, and, as Nick pointed out, she’s playing it so well she’s nearly upending the show and the other women don’t know how to handle her. I liked her frankness when she told Ben that she’s not here to make friends. This girl’s in it to win it! It’s funny to me when the other contestants voice their concern that Courtney may “not be there for the right reasons.” What does that even mean? Obvi she’s there to win the thing, horse it up with Ben and get some exposure for her burgeoning acting career. Just like everyone else. The end. But now Ben is concerned that Courtney’s a meanie; he doesn’t want to choose a mate who doesn’t play well with others. But c’mon Ben. You’re searching for a wife via a televised competition. For the second time. So.

Meanwhile, I covet this girl’s wardrobe! That strapless, tiny-flowered maxi dress from her lying-sideways-on-the-bed-with-Lindzi scene? That’s like my ideal maxidress.

Group date

If my boyfriend who was also dating five other women and looked like a horse snuck into my room at 4.30am with a camera crew to wake me up for a date and the activity was shark swimming I would seriously lose my shit. That Kacie and Nicki were all “yayyyyyy!!” as if they happen to be shark swimming enthusiasts or something is a testament to the silly aspect of this show whereby all the women are supposed to remain massively game for all adventures. Because Ben is judging them on their gameness.

Rose ceremony

I feel like Chris Harrison and Ben need to communicate better! First, Chris appears and announces how they’re going to skip the cocktail party (imagine how festive that party would have been, though!) and go straight to the results, because Ben knows exactly what he wants. He says this approximately three times. But then Ben takes the stage and dramatically interrupts his own rose ceremony to check in with Courtney and feel out her motives. He’s not sure how he feels. Is Courtney a good person or a bad person? The ceremony is full of dramatic tension and pauses because Ben is mulling this over and making up his mind IN THE MOMENT. Then… Courtney gets the last rose! But just barely! She’s on unofficial probation. The nice blond girls get sent home. No big deal, Chris and Ben – but next time get on the same page. Or fix it in post.

Happy V Day from me and mine to you and yours.